The Obvious Question...

... is: why write? I wonder, on reflection, if the idea of asking is itself an aversion, a procrastination to the act itself. It's too easy to say because I do, or because I can't do anything else; but although it's much much better to write first and think about it later (and by that I mean the themes, the symbology, the motivations), it's also important to think about your reasons for writing - or more specifically, why you're writing something.

I wonder this about why I've persisted with this novel for so long. I know the ending; I know the major plot points; I know most of the major characters. I just don't know how, exactly, to bring them all together. Martha, for example, has changed: from the ingenuous whore-with-a-heart-of-gold, she's become something much more realistic, if still fantastic. I like her more. I had a big problem working out how to merge her criminality and keep her likeability: I've now worked out that the best means is to hint at it, declaiming it with her refutations and denials, so there's still some ambiguity about whether she is or isn't. The point is: no matter how much I can guess about where the ending will be, I can't guess who the characters are or what they'll do. I have to just let them do it and trust they'll get to the end I've planned for them. Or not. Let's see.

But back to why I'm writing this novel, and why I've been doing it for so long. Is it because it has been so long, and I just want to get it finished? Perhaps. But there's lots of other stories and half-started novels that I haven't bothered completing. Is it because I like it (the plot, the characters, the writing) so much? Not really - I mean, there's a magic to it, but it's hard for me to tell objectively now - it's been too long. And there've been many moments when I just haven't been able to work it out at all, let alone like it very much! But it is something I think is worth reading, and therefore worth writing. I just hope my abilities and stamina are up to the task.

Work this week's been both satisfying and exhausting. I feel so tired every afternoon, though I don't feel as if I've done that much. My word count's been steadily climbing, though I think that this is a combination of enthusiasm and slightly careless writing. I aim to do 1500 but these should be careful words, and although I know it's only a first draft, I'd like to slow it down a bit so the words came more fluently. I don't want to do too much post-editing or reconstruction - it makes it messy and disjointed. Having said that, I did re-edit a large portion of the History narrative, and it seems to work - for now. I'll do another review edit tomorrow.

I realise now that I've only sort of answered my opening question. Perhaps thinking about it too much can kill it. Perhaps it's the act of writing itself that reveals the answer.

Word Count: 1347 (reconstructed)